Now that the separation has become a lot more settled, and that a reconciliation is highly unlikely, thoughts (on both sides) have turned to “moving on”. That’s right, it’s time to get back into The Single Life!
It’s been 10 years since I was last single… almost a lifetime ago it feels! Relatively speaking I am not too old for dating and heading out to bars and clubs – I’m in my late twenties – but after a couple of attempts I certainly feel like I’m past my prime. Or maybe it’s just a bit of “ring rust”?
Naturally, for my generation, internet dating is a perfectly acceptable way to meet new people. I signed up to Match.com a long time ago, as part of a drunken, fun bet with my ex (to see who would get the most attention in a month. She did, so I won the bet), but hadn’t used it since. In the early days of the separation and while feeling pretty low, I reactivated the profile to see what would happen. Initially it felt like I was invisible on the site, but I eventually got chatting to a couple of people and managed to arrange a lunchtime date with one of them.
It went well; my date (a little older than me at mid-thirties) was great company, and we were able to chat like we’d known each other for a while. Unfortunately there was absolutely no “spark” at all (at least on my part), so I can’t see it going further than friends. We still chat to each other online, so we’ll maybe meet up for drinks now and then. If nothing else, she says she owes me lunch!
The other main interest I’ve had has been from a teacher in her early twenties (my ex jokingly refers to her as “the toddler”). So far all we’ve done is chat online, exchange phone numbers and photos, and SMS each other. She’s been great to speak to, and we seem to get on well, but both our schedules have kept us from meeting up so far. Truth be told I get the feeling she’s a little hesitant to meet someone from a dating site (although that is how she met her ex…). I’ll just have to see how it goes, but as far as Match.com goes this is the most promising I’ve had.
I also signed up to OKCupid at the same time, but so far it’s been a major disappointment – very few local matches, and no contact or replies from the few that are using the site.
Everybody in the Club
A night on the town is the traditional way to meet someone, so it’s only right I should give it a try. In the time since we separated I’ve managed to get out 3 times. The first time was more to blow off steam over the separation, and doesn’t really count towards trying to meet anyone new – against better judgement I allowed myself to be enticed into a “Gentleman’s Club”, instead of going to a regular night club. The less said on that night the better I think!
Attempt #2 was the one I was most looking forward to. It was a leaving party for a couple of ex-colleagues, and was sure to attract a few drinkers to party the night away with. In addition, one of the girls who was leaving was one I knew liked me – and if I’m honest, I liked her too (long story, I’ll maybe write about it one day). Sadly, this night also turned out a disaster. Or rather, a disappointment.
I met up with the girl for some private drinks before we went to meet the others (arriving “fashionably late”, and together would give the rumour-mill some scandal to talk about, she reckoned). We chatted and caught up with each other, and it was nice. Somewhat confusingly though, she _does_ like me, knows I like her, said she wants “to be with me”, but doesn’t want anything to happen yet… I’m not sure what she’s waiting for, but I think she is someone I would wait for.
Anyway, back to the night out… Girl left early as she had her new job the next day, which left me with the ex-colleagues. They were a heavy drinking bunch, but it was just so…. boring. We moved from one OK bar to a place which was a total dive, and just sat around a table drinking pitchers. In the end I left to get a hamburger before meeting the others at the next club (well that was the plan). Instead I ended up checking out a friend’s club night (he’s a DJ), but it was still too early in the night and the club empty apart from me and the staff. Bored and disappointed I decided to call it a night and head home.
Night out 3 happened by total chance. Bored witless on Friday I happened to chat to my sister early in the evening. The conversation took a turn towards “fancy going out tonight?” It was quickly arranged, and after I’d gone to get a meal I met up with my sister and her fiancée. We went to a pub, then went to a club (the same one I’d been to last time). It was great fun; by the time they had to go home the club was sufficiently full enough, and with enough people I knew to justify staying out. I caught up with a few of them (some of who I hadn’t seen since I started dating the Ex), which was fantastic.
As the night went on I ended up dancing and chatting with a girl, and it was seemingly going well; when she was leaning in to talk she would lean in so close our lips were almost touching, and there was definitely a lot of flirting and the odd hand-on-bum type touching. So near the end of the night I plucked up the courage and went to kiss her…
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I have a boyfriend – I’ve totally lead you on!”
Yeah, I felt like a bit of a fool. But it’s all part of the re-learning experience I guess!