Today Sarah and I broke up.
Technically it was last night, but the “final word” was today. It was horrible, just going around and around about how we didn’t want to break up, but how what we each want meant it was never going to work out long-term. She wants to be a mum to her own child(ren), whereas I already have 3 and do not want any more.
We could have stayed together longer but it was already starting to hang over us; after my cousins wedding a week or two earlier we’d started having the conversation but alcohol and emotion meant Sarah ended up crying on the bathroom floor thinking we’d broke up then. The “funny” thing being the conversation had stemmed from her refusal to read an SMS message from me telling her how happy she had made me… Because she thought it was going to be me breaking up with her…
As always, when seeing her upset my natural reaction was to try “make things better”, leading to the going around in circles. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty gutted about it. It took me a long time to realise how special Sarah was to me, and as a result, in my mind I don’t think I ever really treated her right or fairly. But now it’s over I’m just left feeling a bit hollow.