On Dating

Alternative titles considered: “My Love Life (or Lack Thereof),” or the Blink-182 inspired “Story of a Lonely Guy”

Perhaps this is a silly/odd topic to be writing on what would have been my 8th wedding anniversary, but it’s on my mind, so why not? Sorry, this might come across a bit “woe is me.” It’s not really meant to be.

Anyone who has met me would probably be able to guess that something like dating doesn’t come naturally to me. At all. But given my circumstances, I recognise it’s something I’m going to have to get back into eventually… and the thought is a bit scary.

That’s not to say I haven’t dated since my separation. I have, but it’s not really been all too successful. In the last 2 years I think I’ve been on a small handful of dates, and the one meaningful relationship I’ve had in that time didn’t even come from any of them!

But it is something I’m going to have work on, so what are my options?

Online Dating

I’m not sure what it is, but online dating seems to inspire a particular type of self-loathing.I can’t quite put my finger on whether it’s the “window-shopping” aspect of it, the mechanics of how most sites work, the fairly small cross-section of local + interesting + looking for someone that sounds-vaguely-like-you, or something else. Then there’s the stress/anxiety of moving from chatting online to actually meeting in person…

I’ve tried online dating a couple of times. Each time it’s ended with me deleting my profiles. The most recent attempt was only a month or so ago, thinking it would help me get over the break-up with Sarah. It didn’t. First, I had one date which was a disaster. That nearly put me off completely. Then I actually got to the point of having two arranged dates before I had a freak-out and wiped myself completely from all the sites I had joined and skipped the meet-ups.

Yes, I’m quite aware I have “issues,” thank you.

Bar-Hopping

This is actually where I had been most successful, immediately after the separation. It’s how I met Sarah, in fact. Back then I had no problem heading out for some drinks on a Friday or Saturday night by myself. For some reason I don’t seem to have that now. It might’ve been because I’m sure when I looked around in the last place I was out to, I was a good 10-12 years older than most of the other patrons.

Why by myself? Well the number of friends I have available to go out on any given weekend (especially without weeks of advance notice) is scarily close to zero. Sucks to be the single guy in his 30’s when everyone around you is settled down!

That would just leave work social occasions, but less face it, we’re all a little bit more reserved at an event related to work. Speaking of work…

Work/Colleagues

No. Just no. I’ve never seen any good come of it. No.

  1. I feel your pain, I’m a dating retard :-(
    I’m just over it, learn to be satisfied with my own company… but you should not do that!
    I am here to serve as a warning, not an example!!

    Like

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